> unless it's attached to the debugger
Bingo. You need the get-task-allow entitlement (which Xcode will automatically inject in your debug builds, but will not allow you to submit to the App Store with), and have had ptrace called on you–either through the debugger, or if you ptrace yourself with PTRACE_TRACEME.
I have an enterprise account, so could I build my own "emulator" that actually just passes through ARM instructions using this work around ^ and then the only thing I have to emulate is syscalls and io?
Sure, as long as you don't try to publish to the App Store.